If you are feeling lost in your break up as a coach I understand. With this in mind I wanted to outline the stages of a break up for you. Everyone goes through these stages at their own pace and possibly in a varying order bearing in mind we are all our own person which is why working with a coach will help you understand each stage.
In essence I can outline these stages as follows:
- Denial:
- You may feel in a state of shock and somewhat stunned that this has happened to you. Perhaps you weren’t expecting your relationship to come to an end and it wasn’t what you would have chosen? This may lead to you feeling a variety of emotions such as lost, vulnerable and confused. Some of my Clients tell me they feel isolated and numb.
- Anger leading to resentment:
- Following on from denial – “this isn’t really happening” – you may feel cross, angry and continually confused. Asking yourself questions that you have no answers to leading to resentment. Many Clients ask “why me?” In addition, you may want to lay blame not just on the other person in the relationship but on anyone who was involved whether that be family members or friends.
- Bargaining:
- It is natural to want to try to negotiate or bargain through a feeling of desperation. As human beings we like what we know and through this stage you may feel like you want to hold onto this relationship even though you know deep down it is over. In this stage it is not uncommon to offer to change to keep the relationship. I can help you understand why this is not helpful to your long term happiness.
- Sadness:
- When we lose something we believe we want in our life it’s normal to feel sad. A sense of grief can take hold of us and in reality it’s healthy to accept these feelings of loss and to give into them. As a coach I can help you frame these feelings and make sense of them.
- Acceptance:
- This is a key stage in the end of a relationship and can be viewed as the start of a new chapter but often one of the hardest to come to terms with. Accepting that a relationship has ended for whatever reason(s) and that here is a chance to move on is crucial and through navigation in our sessions we can understand this together and come to terms with how your life looks now. A period of adjustment to a new life without your previous partner is sometimes tricky to navigate but is also exciting if you are prepared (with the support of your coach) to step into this new adventure. At this point you can learn about yourself, grow as a person and feel ready to make a new start.
I believe that discussion of the above stages can truly help any Client understand break up and form a plan to move forward. Coaching will help you to frame your feelings, take back your control and above all else develop confidence for a new life… talk to me now and start your journey.